The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
