you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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