I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
