I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
