once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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