I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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