when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
