I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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