it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's blow job season.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
