i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
