does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Four minutes until I can fart!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
