I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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