I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
