I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
