Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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