just tell him i said nine months
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
