Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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