Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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