no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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