The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
