I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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