She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
