Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
