i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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