I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
