his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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