Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
