perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
cat food counts as protein by the way
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
