Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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