Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want nice things and good sex
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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