I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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