I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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