Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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