what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
