I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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