Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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