Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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