I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
