ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
