I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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