What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
