Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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