Betty ford says i'm here all night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
