either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found puke in my bra..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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