matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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