i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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