i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
