in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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