I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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