I got chris browned last night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
