no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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