dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
