ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up under a house in Key West
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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