need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I supernannyed him into submission
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
