Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
