Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
