Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
