I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
