I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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