I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
