I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
