I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
