thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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