you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
