big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
