the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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