it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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