How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
