just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She said her name was "party"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
