I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
