idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
