I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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