just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
