Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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